


Keith G. Pataki

by Anonymous



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Get Ready For Hey Arnold! References, Jealous Keith (Voltron), Multi, To be honest, probably a crack fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 11:38:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8204890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: In which Keith channels a jealous nine year old girl because he doesn't like listening to Lance talking about going on dates.





	1. Part Time Friends

Keith was not supposed to hear Lance and Hunk’s conversation, of that he was sure. A part of him loudly protested, saying that if the two really didn’t want others to overhear, they’d have spoken in Spanish in hushed, whispered tones interspersed with giggles, as they were prone to doing on occasion. For the most part, Keith chose to ignore that argument. He was more preoccupied with what it was that he had heard.

While walking past Lance’s room on the way to get a midnight snack, the red paladin heard an excited shout from his blue companion. “I CAN’T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY GOT A DATE!” The Korean boy froze in place, staring wide-eyed at the door.

“Congratulations, Lance,” the voice of Hunk responded from inside the room. “You’re pretty excited about this, huh?” Keith felt his insides twist strangely as the Cuban’s overjoyed tone immediately followed the query.

“Yeah, dude! It’s just- crap! I can’t remember the English word for it! Yma is really attractive and nice and laughs at my jokes and just-” the boy trails off into a sigh. “I was hanging out with Coran earlier, ya know, doin’ our blue team _thang_.” A short laugh from Hunk interrupted the sentence. “Yeah, whatever. You’re just jealous I’m his favorite paladin. Anyway, he helped me pick out some alien flowers for Yma, which is a relief. So there’s these two flowers on Yma’s planet. One is considered beautiful and the other hideous. Thing is- they look exactly the same to human eyes. Apparently the difference is only visible on the infrared spectrum, which Yma’s species can see.” Lance laughed nervously. “If I give Yma the wrong bouquet, the date would be over instantly.”

Keith gnawed on the inside of his cheek as he stalked away from the room, not wanting to hear anymore. He wasn’t entirely sure what it was about the conversation that set him off, but he knew he’d need a few rounds in the battle simulator to work off the suddenly pent-up, scratching angrily at his insides energy. When he arrived in the kitchen, he noticed two bouquets. One on the center of the table with a sticky note attached to it, the other set up on a shelf to be disposed of later. Glancing at the note, Keith found Coran’s curly handwriting spelling out the message.

_Lance. Take this bouquet. This one. With the note attached. Best of luck! -Coran_

The Korean huffed and turned away, trying to find his favorite (i.e. the most palatable) version of food goo. He angrily started to push buttons on the goo generator as he mulled on the thoughts of Lance’s date. Why was he wasting his time hitting on aliens? They needed to focus on saving the universe. Lance couldn’t date some girl! One particularly frustrated button press caused his hand to slip and the hose that produced the goo to shoot a glob of gelatinous man’s across the room.

Keith yelped in surprise, turning around to see the mess he’d caused. The jelly had swept across the table, catching the bouquet and carrying it to crash against the shelf on the opposite wall. Creeping towards the green mess, the boy paled at the sight of the two identical bouquets side by side. Each was covered in goo and neither had the sticky note attached. Instead the note was floating on its own in a food goo puddle. Shaking off both bouquets, the red paladin glanced between each of the groups of flowers.

He was the paladin of instinct, right? So his gut instinct should help with this- probably. Abruptly choosing one of the ribbon wrapped packages of flora, Keith set it down on the table with the sticky note. _This one,_ his brain told him. _If it’s this one then everything will work out fine_. The red paladin cleaned up the mess and left the kitchen.

Everything would be fine.

~~~~~~~

The next day, Keith sat on a chair in the common room. Reading a book Allura had lent him. The doors opened with a swoosh to reveal a dejected-looking Lance. With a groan, the Cuban stumbled forward, one hand loosely held against his cheek. He walked straight into the arm of the couch, letting himself fall forward and face plant onto the furniture. Once he was settled, face down, he let out another loud groan.

Keith glanced up to look at the blue paladin. He paused for a long moment before asking, “what happened?”

“I went on a date,” Lance mumbled into the couch, “as soon as I showed up, I got slapped and dumped.” The blue paladin flopped around on the couch until he was facing upwards, blue eyes on the ceiling.”Porque? Yo no entiendo porque este ha ocurrido!” he whined in Spanish.

Keith stared nervously at the pages of his book, gritting his teeth. He’d ruined Lance’s date. He felt terrible. Or, _actually_ , he didn’t but he knew he was supposed to. If anything, he was somewhat glad. Lance didn’t need a girlfriend distracting him from their mission as the paladins of Voltron.

Maybe everything really did work out fine.


	2. April Fool's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I knew a way to make the floor open out from underneath them so that they could go swimming, I would.  
> Don't tell me Lance wouldn't fake blindness just to freak out Keith.

Everything is fine and mostly uneventful until a gala held in their honor on one of the liberated planets. It wasn’t all that different than the typical balls held in the castle of the Lions. The aliens themselves were mostly humanoid although rather than hair, they had colorful plumes of feathers and dark, pupiless eyes that caught light rather well. Apparently, they were quite attractive, or at least they were according to Lance they were. The Cuban boy flitted from alien to alien, chirping and preening as though he was the one related to birds.

Keith felt the horrible feeling return to the pit of his stomach. He was sick and angry and didn’t want to watch Lance while he acted like a buffoon. Maybe the Korean teen would get the chance to sneak away and just train until he was too tired to feel much of everything. However, any time Keith got too close to an exit, Allura’s head would snap towards him and she’d level him with a glare that sent shivers down his spine. That plan was out. Keith wandered the grand ballroom, doing his best to avoid Lance and the burning sensation the blue paladin gave him. Keith was somewhat successful until he bumped into a giggling Hunk and Coran. Both gleefully nudged him and pointed to what had caught their attention.

 _Oh_.

Lance and an incredibly feminine alien were dancing together, bodies close and faces inching closer. Lance was a good dancer. He seemed to be leading the alien girl through a tango, dipping her and spinning her around. She seemed to be enjoying herself if her delighted laughter was anything to go by. Lance was a very good dancer.

Earlier Keith had seen one of the aliens become extremely distressed when a small amount of liquid was accidentally sprayed towards their feathers. _Easy_. Getting himself some of the, slightly more viscous than water, Altean punch, the red paladin spotted the dancing duo once more. It wasn’t hard for Keith to isolate the pattern of movement of the dance and place himself in the exact spot he shouldn’t be in, if crashing into dancers wasn’t on his to-do list. Fortunately, it was.

Standing in the spot idly, back turned to the dancers, he pretended to sip on his drink and zone out. In truth, he was hyper aware of his surroundings: straining his ears to hear the approaching laughter and rhythmic footsteps. The only moment he had difficulty maintaining his composure was right before the collision. Lance, who’d apparently just noticed Keith, breathed out a single word.

“Mierda.”

The moment the three bodies slammed into one another, the red paladin sprung into action. He tilted his cup just right so that it’s contents would drench the bright plumage of Lance’s partner. Keith twisted his own and Lance’s bodies away from the spill with the blue paladin ending up cradled in Keith’s arms once again. Admittedly, the Korean didn’t know why he’d done that but that was true for a fair portion of decisions he made. Instinct and all that jazz.

The alien, feathers weighed down and darkened by the punch, burst into tears and fled from the room wailing. Lance and Keith stayed still for a moment longer before Lance started doing death rolls to escape his teammate’s hold.

“DUDE. WHAT THE HELL?” The blue paladin cried out as he flailed his way to his feet.

Keith merely shrugged and stood calmly. “Sorry, didn’t see you.”

“You don’t just stand in the middle of the dance floor,” the tan teen proclaimed, throwing his arms in the air.

“Oh,” the red paladin replied monotonously. “Sorry.”

“You can’t just- why’d you- AUGH!” With that Lance stormed away, leaving Keith alone. The paladin watched with furrowed eyebrows as his companion fled; he’d obviously hurt Lance. Keith felt better but Lance was the one hurting now. He’d bounce back, he was Lance. He’s fine.

Everything was still working out fine, right?


	3. Operation Ruthless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I realize there are specfic Hey Arnold episodes that I can name these chapters after because of correlation.  
> Also that this is probably distinctly more of a crack fic than I initially anticipated- you won't see the real evidence of that until the next chapter though (I think).

Lance did bounce back. In fact, he bounced back so quickly he managed to meet someone, flirt, and set up another date without Keith noticing. Watching Lance happily stroll right out of the front of the castle, Keith felt himself burn. How irresponsible. Keith should stop him.

On that note Keith set to following the blue paladin from the shadows. Definitely not stalking though. Nope. That would be creepy and probably illegal. There weren’t really rules in space but Allura probably had some code of law all paladins were to follow. Stalking probably wasn’t permitted. Rules had never stopped Keith from doing something before. The red paladin watched as Lance met up with another incredibly feminine alien and the pair set to wandering around a local bazaar-carnival hybrid. Keith felt the burning in his stomach intensify. Acting purely on instinct, he followed after them. The Cuban and his companion bounced from stall to stall, admiring wares and trying on the odd garment. Lance, ever the jokester, donned every piece of clothing he could until his lanky frame was drowning in colorful, patterned fabrics. Judging by the alien’s laughter, he was wearing at least half the garments wrong. In response, Lance hammed up his ridiculous posing. And sure, the alien girl was amused but she couldn’t really appreciate Lance’s humor. It was rooted in Earth culture. She didn’t know what “duck face” was or how perfectly Lance was mocking Playboy and Victoria’s Secret models. She couldn’t appreciate him the way Keith could.

The red paladin frowned when the couple came upon a booth reminiscent of those at Earth carnivals. Tiny weapons shot small colorful pebbled at Galra shaped targets. The more you hit, the better the prize. Lance childishly waggled his eyebrows at the alien girl while picking up the gun and dramatically spinning it. It was obvious she couldn’t tell Lance was testing the weight of the gun, feeling how it would handle so he could-

In a split second, the boy stopped spinning the weapon and shot three colored pellets right at a Galra figurine’s head.

-but Keith had known. He did not squeal in surprise and delight like Lance’s companion. He was not thrown by the display of the blue paladin’s talent. They were rivals. Keith knew how accomplished Lance was. Even as the vendor handed the boy a large, strange hat, Keith knew exactly what the Cuban was thinking.

“Souvenir!” Lance declared loudly, causing Keith to bite back a grin. He knew it.

While the girl began asking Lance questions about “ _soo-vin-ears_ ,” Keith let his eyes skate loosely around the bazaar. The moment he spotted a certain game, he felt his blood boil excitedly. His instincts screamed _that That thatthatTHATthat **that**_. Casually strolling from his hiding place, Keith easily blended in with the crowd as he made his way towards his destination. He gave a polite nod to the vendor who waved him towards the giant mallet on the ground. Keith smiled.

Lance was grinning widely at the pretty alien girl, Tsura was her name, when he heard excited cries and bells ringing. He and Tsura looked over to a measure your strength game where the noise was coming from and Lance gaped. Standing in the center of an adoring crowd was Keith, looking largely passive as he was given a ginormous gift for breaking the record.

Oh hell nah.

In that moment, Lance completely forgot about Tsura as he stormed over to his red themed teammate. Easily worming his way to the front of the crowd, the blue paladin emerged with a face that reminded Keith of the first time he met Lance.

“ _No no no no no no!_ ” His voice and his words almost had the red paladin convinced that an unconscious Shiro was once again in his arms. “You can’t just stroll in here and steal my thunder!” The Cuban proclaimed. “Shouldn’t you be back at the castle, listening to Green Day and punching things?”

And _yeah_ , maybe Keith liked some Green Day songs but he was a more well rounded individual than that! His anger flared as he gestured towards the test your strength game. “I’d like to see you do better.”

Lance shot forward to the game at the challenge, but both knew Lance wouldn’t beat Keith’s score. Lance’s strengths were aim, precision, and strangely graceful speed. Constantly dealing with the kickback from his gun had given the boy lean muscles in his arms, but he wasn’t Keith. Wildly swinging around some object, like a mallet, was Keith’s territory. The mallet came down and Lance got a remarkably good score, but Keith’s was better. The Cuban whined and pouted and cursed at Keith under his breath in Spanish, but it didn’t stop him from grabbing Keith by the wrist and dragging him from game to game, challenging him at each one.

The blue paladin destroyed his companion at one game that was a lot like darts. Keith literally destroyed the booth that bore a strange resemblance to whack-a-mole. When the Korean teen stared down at the sparking machine in confusion, Lance burst into laughter that caused the lion in Keith’s stomach to do barrel rolls like a certain, reckless blue paladin. Keith smiled as Lance pulled him from the wreck while still giggling and saying something about not wanting to pay to replace it.

Many, many carnival games later, the two were sprawled against benches,exhausted. Lance was rambling about something and Keith was content just to listen. The red paladin was being lulled to sleep by a story about the time two of Lance’s siblings had both asked Hunk to prom and got into an actual fist fight on the dance floor when Lance jumped to his feet with a loud gasp.

“I FORGOT ABOUT TSURA!” Lance shouted as he leapt off the bench. Keith jolted awake and fell onto the ground at Lance’s feet. He’s about to say something dry and a little bit mean but intended to tease when he sees Lance’s face. The Cuban is clearly distressed, unhappy, and _hurt_.

Keith selfishly caused Lance to get hurt again. This was wrong. Keith shouldn’t be hurting his teammate.

Things might not be working out fine after all.


	4. Egg Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took so long. It just- there's a really bad pun in here. Super bad. I couldn't look at this chapter or work on it at all for a week because of it. Obviously, I kept the pun in here. I wouldn't want to deprive you of that experience. You'll know it when you see it.

Lance was known for being melodramatic. He was the type of person to throw glitter in the air every time he walked into a room. He was the type to reenact a mike drop every time he delivered a witty one liner in the midst of an argument. He was the type to propose to Hunk every time his childhood friend said something particularly sweet or helped Lance clean up one of the many messes he made. So it shouldn’t have been surprising when the boy spent the next week moping, curled in on himself muttering about how he’d be forever alone. Most of the team knew not to take his dreary phase seriously. Keith, forever lacking in social finesse and awareness, did not. Hearing Lance constantly humming _Boulevard of Broken Dreams_ under his breath genuinely scared the Korean teen. Lance was loud; he belted out the spanglish lyrics of pop power ballads and the occasional R &B song. He didn’t mumble Green Day under his breath. That was Keith’s shtick, dammit. 

This distressed him. It all distressed him. No amount of time punching robots until his knuckles were raw was helping him cope with just how drastically he’d hurt his teammate emotionally. Halting the training simulation, Keith swore to an empty room. _He would not interfere with Lance’s next date_. (Even if he still wasn’t sure why he’d started messing with them in the first place.)

Because things definitely aren’t working out fine.

And, yeah, Lance was out of his funk and bellowing David Bowie in the shower the next day, but Keith was determined to keep his word. He would not interfere. Just to be doubly sure, Keith went out of his way to avoid Lance entirely. No time for petty squabbles when Keith genuinely had a problem with hurting his _friend_. If the weird flips his stomach did every time Lance pouted, having failed to find his rival and start a playful fight, meant anything, Keith chose to ignore them. Avoiding Lance had caused Keith to stumble upon many good hiding places in the castle. Good to know if they’re ever invaded _or if Coran needed someone to try his new and improved food goo recipe_. Of course, hiding had it’s downsides too.

Maybe a month after the red paladin began to avoid his teammate during down time, Lance had paraded into the common room with his arm linked with an alien that had a physique similar to Shiro, if slightly less impressive ( _because, come on. **Shiro**._ ) Keith had been reading a book on the couch, enjoying the relative peace as he and his fellow paladins each tended to a small task in the room when Lance entered with his newest suitor. This species was definitely one of the most closely humanoid they’d encountered. They had four eyes and their coloration came in variations of red rather than brown like humans, but aside from that, they were practically homo sapiens. _Speaking of homo…_

This alien was definitely a male. Chiseled jaw, soft pink hair pulled into a long braid that ran down a lightly muscled torso with a complete lack of boobs, masculine stance- Lance was dating a guy. 

For a brief moment, Keith flushed brightly. For some reason, his heart seemed to be doing spin kicks and barrel rolls inside his rib cage, bouncing off his bones and making his whole body feel funny. So, _Lance was into guys_.

Then his vision narrowed back in on the man at Lance’s side and his his blood boiled. Why him? Why _him_?! Why not-

Keith bit the inside of his cheek as his eyes widened in realization. _Oh **no**_.

Lance was talking. He was saying something about how many dates he and this alien had been on, how happy they were together, something about cutesy nicknames. Keith couldn’t do this. Keith couldn’t listen. He’d finally figured out _why_. Why _everything_. Why he’d been so angry, why he’d been hurting Lance, why he burned inside when he thought about the Cuban. This was wrong. Everything was wrong. Keith didn’t- doesn’t- _can’t_ -

Love.

Frustratedly running a hand through his hair, the red paladin stood from the couch and stalked out of the room as quickly as he could, counting on Lance’s characteristic obliviousness to not notice his departure. Keith needed to work through things. Many things. Many _distressing_ will-probably-cause-Voltron-to-fail-and-the-Galra-will-succeed-and-damn-Keith’s-hormones things. A few hours into his borderline masochistic sparring session with the training robot set to a level that was just too high, the door to the training room slid open to reveal Lance.

Keith did his best not to look at the teen, focusing instead on working the tenderness in his arm after being knocked into the wall by the droid. From what he could see in his peripheral vision, the blue paladin was unusually tense.

“Hey,” Lance’s voice was uneasy, softer- _vulnerable_. Keith’s insides twisted and he bit back a hiss. “So, like,” there was a sigh as the intruder tried to find his words. Keith made no move to encourage him, trying to focus on just staring at the deactivated droid. “You’ve been, I don’t know, kind of weird lately.” The red paladin bit down hard on the inside of his cheek, causing blood to spill into his mouth. Lance had noticed how much Keith had been hurting him as of late. Keith tried to fix it but Lance knew and now Lance hated him and the closest thing Keith ever had to a family was going to fall apart and _if only Keith didn’t have feelings for_ \- “It’s like you’re avoiding me or something.” Oh. Okay. This was fine. This was much easier to confront than some of Keith’s other behavior.

Keith turned to face Lance. The huge majority of him that still wanted to bicker and fight with the teen wouldn’t let him back down from the accusation. He had to prove that _no, he wasn’t_ even though he totally was. “Not really,” his voice lacked conviction.

Lance frowned, his dark blue eyes challenging Keith. For a moment there was a spark of anger and indignation and the two were going to fight again, but is suddenly flickered out and defeat washed over the Cuban’s figure. Keith’s throat felt dry because that was _so_ wrong. He was ready to throw a punch if Lance wouldn’t snap out of this _whatever it was_.

“Is it because of,” the blue paladin gestured weakly in the air, not really clearing anything up. “You know.” Furrowing his eyebrows, the teen made a wide gesture to himself. Keith only tilted his head in confusion. Sighing, the Cuban rubbed at his temples, frustration overrunning his insecurity. “Is it because of my sexuality?”

Keith blinked in surprise. “Wha-?”

“Because I swear you’ve been avoiding me.” Now that Lance had started, he wasn’t going to stop. “You keep disappearing but only around me because everyone else swears that they still see you around just as much. I know I can be annoying sometimes but I figured if you were going to avoid me because of my personality you would’ve started a long time ago, not now. Which is why it has to be something else that makes you so uncomfortable around me and the only thing that’s really been revealed about me in the past month is that I’m pansexual. So, I figured, you know, it’s probably that. And, look, I’m used to having to deal homophobes and the like- I’m from _Cuba_. We’re Christian and repressed and obsessed with tradition and, just, our culture isn’t too accepting of the whole not straight thing. So I _get_ it, I guess, but I just wasn’t expecting it- I mean. Cause this is space, right? Surely the bigotry and all that shit can’t reach me out here and just- if that’s what it is, then we should probably-”

“No,” Keith said bluntly. He let Lance subside into confusion, having been cut off during his rant. “I have no problems with your sexuality.”

“But,” the blue paladin tried.

“I’m just working through something of my own,” the red paladin responded, trying to be reassuring. “It’s not you. The others probably haven’t noticed because they aren’t constantly trying to pick fights with me, that’s all.”

Lance hummed and the two descended into silence for a moment. “So,” he spoke slowly, “still…friends slash rivals?”

“Yeah,” Keith allowed himself a small smile. “Friends slash rivals.”

He could handle being friends. This time things truly would be fine.


	5. Arnold's Valentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith will figure out this whole "friends" thing eventually. He assumes it'll be easier when he's less attracted to his good buddy, pal, chum, bro comrade.

Keith figured he was doing a pretty damn good job of being Lance’s friend. Lighthearted teasing and friendly banter were suddenly back on the table and smiling and laughing had never been so easy, even if he was doing it in the midst of a shouting match about whether painting tiger stripes on the lions would be cool. ( _No, Lance. That’s a terrible idea for so many reasons!_ ) Lance seemed happy with the arrangement too. Green Day was gone and if Keith heard the Spanglish version of _Dancing Queen_ being shouted in the showers one more time, he’d probably put his head through the reinforced space metal wall.

Everything was good.

Especially since every time Lance’s boyfriend came around, Keith was able to think up a sufficient excuse as to why he had to be somewhere where he couldn’t see Lance and the man cuddling. Lance no longer worried about Keith’s tendency to disappear during his boyfriend’s visits, assuming it was the red paladin trying to give his teammate some privacy. So, yeah, Keith was pretty sure he’d figured the whole friendship/rivalry thing out.

His prize for being such a great friend/rival was that Lance frequently sent him terrible jokes and strange images over the comm during all hours of the day. One moment Keith would be doing push ups, the next his pocket comm would make a little chirping noise and suddenly there’d be a holographic image of Lance’s face, often featuring a drastically exaggerated facial expression, reacting to the scene behind him: Hunk covered in food goo and Lance laughing, Coran and Lance after messing around with Altean chemicals to make hair gel sporting ridiculous hairstyles, Shiro caught mid-trip, falling into Allura's arms, and Lance with the most mischievous face Keith had ever seen. Keith got many, many images. He eagerly awaited each one.

Every moment he spent smiling with Lance or snickering at one of Lance’s ridiculous pictures, something warm buzzed pleasantly inside Keith. It was usually late in the day cycle, when he’d already pushed himself to the limit and couldn’t train any further without risking muscle damage, that the red paladin was forced to contemplate the emptiness between those moments. The emptiness he felt that caused each intake of breath to create a hollow, echoing sound in his chest.The one that kept edging sleep just barely out of his reach. The one that pushed him to leave the castle during sleeping hours and explore the space around them. 

They’d all been in roughly the same sector of the galaxy for quite a while, at least for them (being on the run), so Keith had become rather intimate with the local hang outs. His favorite was a dimly lit building that reminded Keith of the bars on Earth. Every time he went there he ordered a fizzy, fluorescent blue drink made from some kind of local fruit that the red paladin _really_ liked and would sit in the corner and watch the scene around him. It was peaceful.

_Usually_.

Tonight, however, a familiar alien was in the center of Keith’s favorite hang out. Dark mauve arms were circled around a small aubergine alien and a familiar soft pink braid was sandwiched between the two forms.

Keith was not equipped to handle this. Here was Lance’s boyfriend being very intimate with someone who definitely was not Lance witnessed by Keith, who had _feelings_ for Lance and had **very recently** sworn to stop getting in the way of Lance’s relationships. Would telling Lance about this sabotage his relationship? Lance would be so hurt. Also, what if Keith was wrong? What if he was witnessing a completely platonic gesture and subconsciously convinced himself this was wrong and-

_Oh._ Lance’s boyfriend and the possibly platonic acquaintance were making out now. Really aggressively. Probably not platonic.

That didn’t change the fact that Keith had sworn he would no longer get in the way of Lance’s relationships. He refused to be the one that caused Lance pain. Lance deserved to be happy after all the shit Keith had put him through and-

A chirping noise caught Keith’s attention. 

It was a picture of Lance. He was apparently in the midst of his skin care routine and decided to make himself a mustache (bearing strong resemblance to that of a certain Altean) out of his bright green facial stuff. He had a matching bright green unibrow that was dripping somewhat closer to his temples. The blue paladin was winking at the camera and Keith’s eyes immediately darted down to the accompanied text.

_whatcha think of my new look??_

That’s right. Keith and Lance were friends now. Friendship came before Keith’s weird guilt about his attraction to the teen and the accidentally intentional times he’d gotten in the way of the blue paladin’s happiness. Lance didn’t deserve to be lied to. Gnawing on the inside of his cheek, Keith abruptly asked if Lance wouldn’t mind meeting him somewhere. 

Lance whined halfheartedly but was already halfway out of his pajamas and into clothes for the night on the town before he even sent the pseudo-complaint to Keith. The Cuban found his teammate waiting outside of what looked kind of like a bar back on Earth. Offering a wide grin to the red paladin, Lance received a curt nod of acknowledgement in return.

As the blue paladin moved to enter the joint, Keith quickly stood in front of the door and blocked his path. The Korean glared down at the floor for a moment before making eye contact with his friend. Just seeing the curious tilt of his head and the complete trust in his dark blue eyes, Keith felt his mouth go dry. He really didn’t want to hurt Lance.

“Don’t-” Keith wasn’t sure what he wanted to say. _Don’t be hurt. Don’t let this asshole ruin you. Don’t think you’re any less of an amazing person just because there was one dick who couldn’t see that. Don’t hate me for making you see this. Don’t hate me._ “Just,” he sucked in a breath. “Be okay.” With that he held the door open for Lance.

The Cuban didn’t comment on Keith’s strange behavior. He just stepped inside the building and waited for his friend to follow after him. When the red paladin joined him inside, Lance noticed his friend’s heated gaze directed across the room. _Anger_ \- the blue paladin noted, burning behind those dark irises. Someone had picked a fight with Keith and he needed back up and he’d called Lance. The blue paladin internally preened at the attention. Then he focused his gaze on the object of Keith’s fury.

_Oh_.

Keith’s eyes darted to Lance, realizing he’d spotted the problem. His hands twitched at his sides and he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Was this when you were supposed to hug your friend? Or punch the guy that hurt them? Because Keith was always down for punching. The red paladin momentarily wondered if he needed to punch himself a few times for how he’d messed with Lance’s emotions before. Probably. He’d deal with that later.

The Cuban was walking across the room quite gracefully, considering. His usual lanky unwieldiness was abandoned in the moment for sure, swift movements that capitalized on the length of his limbs instead of stumbling over them. Keith didn’t know why he found, of all things, Lance just walking attractive, _but he did_. It distracted him for a few ticks before he realized what was happening. 

_Shit_.


	6. The Jungle Movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't figure out which Hey Arnold! episode this chapter really related the most to, so I settled for the in production end of Hey Arnold!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS OVER HAHAHAHAHA  
> Sorry this went without updates for, like, a month and a half or so. Finals happened. And then break where I was on the other side of the country in a place really not conducive to writing.

Keith watched with wide eyes as Lance gingerly stepped behind the two aliens at the bar. Slender tan fingers gently tapped on a bulky mauve shoulder, the touch polite, formal, and delicate. As Lance’s soon to be ex pulled his face back from his aubergine companion, four eyes angrily swivelling to the intruder before widening in realization, the red paladin began to make his way across the room. Whatever Lance needed, Keith would provide it. If Lance needed a shoulder to cry on, an extra fist to be thrown at the guy, or even a hand to hold- Keith was here.

Although, from the looks of it, Keith might not be needed. Lance looked more unimpressed than dejected, arms crossed over his chest and a single thin eyebrow raised, as he stared down at the alien who’d fallen off of his stool in surprise. Caramel lips were moving, the blue paladin was saying something but Keith couldn't hear it over all the noise in the establishment. Lance finished whatever he was saying with a lazy grin and a shrug of his shoulders. Shaking his head, the Cuban teen turned around and made his way back towards his teammate who’d only covered about half the distance he needed to.

Wrapping an arm around Keith’s shoulders, Lance pulled them both back towards the exit. “How do you feel about a road trip?” the slightly taller teen asked right as they left the cacophony of the bar. His Korean friend, still not entirely sure what was happening, only shrugged. “Great!” Lance replied immediately dragging Keith towards one of the public transportation stops on the planet. Both boys boarded the alien bus and rode in silence. Lance nudged Keith when it was their stop, standing up and getting out of the vehicle. As the bus pulled away behind them and the two teens stood in what looked to be a quiet neighborhood, Keith finally took the bait.

“What are we doing here?” He asked, clenching the fists shoved deep in the pockets of his favorite jacket.

Lance hummed happily, walking down the street. “I don’t think you were paying attention when I told you the story of how he and I met, right?” Keith followed after, shaking his head. “Well, someone set me up on a date with him. I agreed to go out with him as a favor to her. He was cute so I figured _whatever_. Anyway, guess who this mystery matchmaker was.” Humor danced in Lance’s voice as happily as Lance on the dance floor. Keith couldn’t even fathom a guess despite Lance seeming to imply that it was obvious. Finally turning around fully to look back at the Korean, the blue paladin raised both eyebrows and grinned. “His mom.”

Keith reeled back before a smile split his face. _Holy shit_.

“Guess who we’re going to see now,” Lance continued, his own grin only amplified by Keith’s.

“Holy shit,” Keith murmured aloud without realizing it.

“Oh-ho yes!” Lance declared brightly before spinning back around and continuing down the street. “She’s a lovely woman. I met her at this local music festival a while back, she’s an amazing singer. They’ve got this instrument, it’s kind of like a ukelele and a bugle fused together, which theoretically sounds horrible, but _wow_ is it amazing to listen to. Anyway, she’s been teaching me how to play one and I’ve gotten pretty good. We hang out at least twice a week- once for lessons and once just for fun.” Lance rambled. “She was always going on and on about how frustrated she was with her son. Can’t hold a job, never brings any of his boyfriends home, the usual stuff. One day she’s complaining about him again when she suddenly stops speaking and grabs my hands, begging me to take her son out. _Make a decent man out of him,_ she said. _treat him right. But if he does **anything** to you, niño, just let know._ ” Keith was content to just listen to Lance chatter on forever, even as the Cuban adopted a thick accent for the mother’s voice that sounded far too much like the stereotypical latin american dialect to possibly be accurate. “So, that’s what we’re doing. We’re letting her know.” Spotting a soft sea foam green house, Lance glanced back at Keith once more. “We’re here.” The blue paladin broke into a run, leaving his companion in the dust. It didn’t take long for the fellow Earthling to catch up and soon enough both stood at the door, waiting for it to be answered.

“Lance!” A voice cried loudly as the door swished up, revealing a tall mauve alien. Evidently, Keith had been wrong because Lance’s impression of her had been spot on. “Come inside, come inside. I wasn’t expecting you! And who is your friend?” As the two boys were ushered inside, Lance and the woman exchanging pleasantries, Keith took the opportunity to observe his surroundings. Ever surface was very plush and covered in luxurious, colorful fur. He supposed that was likely just the style here. “So, Keith,” the woman said, catching his attention. “How do you feel about Xerpa-Tor?”

 _Xerpa_ , Keith recognized the word from his favorite blue drink at the bar. “I’d love to have some,” he said immediately. Lance raised an eyebrow at him but shrugged. The woman deposited the two boys in what looked like a sitting room as she went to fetch drinks.

“Fan of Xerpa-Tor?” Lance asked curiously, settling comfortably into the padded and downy fluff covered loveseat he and the red paladin shared.

“Never had it before,” the other answered honestly. “Pok-Xerpa, on the other hand, is absolutely delicious. Figured I might as well try it.”

The blue paladin nodded approvingly. “Makka makes the best Xerpa-Tor. I’ve actually been stocking it up on the ship for when we eventually have to leave this area.” He blinked once before realization dawned in his navy blue eyes. “I never told you! Her name is Makka,” Lance made a heavy guttural clicking noise deep in his throat. “You have no ideas how long it took me to learn to pronounce her last name right.” He paused to consider something. “You probably don’t know my ex’s name either, huh?” Keith shrugged apathetically, completely uninterested in learning the name of the alien only now that he was no longer a relevant part of Lance’s life. “Eh, I’m not surprised,” the blue paladin continued. “You’re not the type to waste your energy on people for no reason.”

Keith frowned, trying to gauge the amount of energy he’d wasted interfering with Lance’s various romantic interests. Probably too much for Lance’s statement to hold true.

“I’ve got Xerpa-Tor!” Makka chirped happily, sliding into the room with a tray balancing three steaming bowls on it. She set it down on the fur covered coffee table and gracefully took her seat across from the two humans. “So why the visit, Lance?” Lance sighed, running a hand through his hair before levelling Makka with a knowing look. “Kerbhelk! It’s my son, isn’t it? What did he do _now_?”

“Well, my friend, Keith, here was hanging out at Mrellbek’s, probably being all broody, sitting quietly in a corner,” Keith rolled his eyes but didn’t bother to fight the (correct) assumption. “Lo and behold, who should he spot but my boyfriend with his arms and lips all over Hmmell.”

“Hmmell?!” Makka shrieked. “Hmmell’s a drug dealer!” Keith sipped happily on his Xerpa-Tor, which was a warm, tea-like version of the blue fizzy drink he’d loved so much. It was infinitely better than Pok-Xerpa.

“So my amazing friend, Keith, here, does exactly what amazing friends do and he calls me up and is all _dude_ ,” Lance dropped his voice and octave and adopted a very serious frown. This was ridiculous. Keith didn’t sound like that. “ _You gotta come see this shit. You’re not gonna believe what I’m seein’_.” Near the end the Cuban had given this imaginary Keith a thick Texan accent to which he couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “I was just about ready for bed, gotta get my beauty sleep and all.”

“Of course,” Makka agreed immediately, looking enraptured with the story.

“But this is Keith calling me out and he _never_ does something like this unless it’s serious. So I’m out of pajamas and into these stylish duds and at Mrellbek’s in no time flat. Keith’s waiting outside for me.” Lance clapped a hand loudly against Keith’s back jolting him mid-sip, causing the warm liquid to splash all over Keith’s face. “He’s all serious. _It’s not pretty in there, amigo. You should probably brace yourself._ Now, I thought Keith called me up to back him up in some kind of bar brawl he’d gotten into. He starts a lot of fights. Just look at him, you can tell.” As Makka shifted her gaze to reexamine him, Keith was caught mid-glare at Lance, still pissed at how he’d gotten the delicious drink all over his face.

“Oh, definitely,” the woman concurred in a completely serious voice. 

“I walk in and Keith’s glaring death at someone across the bar and I figure whoever it is, that’s who we’re taking out back and getting into a fist fight with. Except then I look and he’s glaring at your son and Hmmell making out against the counter.” Makka gasped as though Lance hadn’t already revealed this was exactly what was going on earlier. “So I march right up behind them, tap on your son’s shoulder, and just let him turn around and see me. The look in his eyes, Makka, he was terrified. He fell right off of his bar stool.”

Hissing angrily to herself, the woman clenched her fists. “Oh, he has every reason to be scared, niño. When I get my hands on that boy, oh ho ho, he’ll wish he’d left with his father ten years ago when I kicked that bum out of my house.” Lance cackled.

“So, anyway, you’ll forgive me if I say no the next time you try to set me up,” the Cuban finished, elegantly grabbing his own Xerpa-Tor and taking a sip.

Makka laughed airly, waving a mauve hand in front of her face. “I hardly need to, Lance.” Her four eyes shifted between Lance and Keith with a knowing smile. The blue paladin only tilted his head curiously while his red counterpart flushed brightly. “Anyway, as much as I love spending time with you, I’m afraid I need my beauty sleep.”

“Of course,” Lance replied in a deadly serious tone of voice before gulping down his tea.

“Rest assured I’ll deal with my son. Please don’t be a stranger, Lance,” Makka said as she stood slowly. “You too, Keith.” She turned to face the Korean boy. “It was lovely meeting you. Feel free to visit anytime.” Keith nodded and finished his own Xerpa-Tor, standing with Lance. The two were ushered out the door and before long they once again stood at the bus stop.

“Hey,” Keith intoned softly, looking at Lance. “You sure you’re okay?”

Lance paused for a long moment, dark blue eyes searching Keith’s own darker brown, before he let a small, pained smile grace his face. “Yeah. It’s not like I loved the guy or anything, but it still hurts. It’s like being told you aren’t enough, you know? Not just what you’ve accomplished or your skills but your whole person, your whole identity isn’t enough. And that sucks. Then again, this is a guy whose taste is apparently drug dealers so maybe it’s a good thing he wasn’t all that interested.”

Keith set a hand on Lance’s shoulder with a determined frown. “You’re enough,” he said lowly, his eyes boring into Lance’s. “You’re more than enough.”

Of the many things the two competed in, who was the most reckless wasn’t exactly something they’d meant to fight over and yet it happened all the same. Keith’s unpredictable instinctual drive versus Lance’s humorous and boastful demeanor could only have led to such a result. The question of who was reckless enough to abruptly surge forward and kiss the other couldn’t possibly be answered without witnessing the event. Knowing the teens, it easily could’ve been either.

In truth, it had been both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, kids. That's the end. You can go home now.


End file.
